the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
