I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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