I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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