i think my mom watched the whole time
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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