My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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