i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I could fuck to npr.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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