There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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