margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
...so i touched it.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
