I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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