yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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