Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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