Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
