he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
