I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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