Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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