how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
