need another drink. this is the easiest way
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
