Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
