so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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