:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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