saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
