she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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