if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
