hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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