Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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