I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
