Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
