His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
