I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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