I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
