We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
