I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
