Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the day after is always just damage control
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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