Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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