I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
