So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
