You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
