Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
