Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
be right there i have to get my cape
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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