i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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