Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I forget how to act sober
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
