Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
