He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
