Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can I color on your dick again?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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