I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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