That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
