Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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