Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
