Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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