i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
