I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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