she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
