i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
