I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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