I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
