You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
