Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
