I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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