Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
