he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
