someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
