if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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