you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
