I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
