it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
