Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
