people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
