Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
