so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
