I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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