I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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