she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
