So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
