Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
