i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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