She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
should my penis look like a turkey
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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