I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
