I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
