In America we eat man semen.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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