I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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