Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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