I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
