You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
