ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
