I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
