K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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