I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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