You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
