Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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