What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
