you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
